Weddings in India
My favorite picture of an Indian in a wedding ceremony is this one from a wedding in Charleston, South Carolina. of Dr. Sanjay Gupta, famed neurosurgon, with his wife Rebecca, an attorney (Guerard, 131). Of interest in 2010 is the fact that South Carolina elected a woman of Indian descent to be the next governor.
I have studied the religions and philosophies of India since taking a seminar at Berkeley with Dr. Fritz Stahl in the summer session of l970. Time and tide have prevented me from going to India until 2005, when I went with my colleague and friend Prof. Pani Chakrapani; however there were no chances to be a “wedding crasher” in our sojourn in both Southern India, where Pani had grown up. I did make a photograph of a wedding reception in our hotel in Trich; but while both bride and groom seemed pleased to be photographed and smiled at me, the clothing they were wearing was not any different from those at any other table in our restaurant, and certainly they were not dressed as the wedding of Sanjay and Gupta above.
Traveling through India with Professor Pani, I read English language newspapers almost every day; and in each city I found the advertisements by the families of Indian men and women looking for a marriage partnerto be the most interesting reading of my day. I became so “attached” to the many possibilites in terms of age, caste, educational background, and economic promise of the candidates for marriage in May 2005, that Pani asked me one day, “Are you so interested that you are thinking of putting in an advertisement about yourself? If so there are few possibilites for a man already married, and the families of these young women are not interested in an old professor with a white beard!”
But I replied, “Pani, we have just visited the palace of a ruler who had a wife from each of the three religious traditions in his territory-a Hindu, a Muslim, and a Christian. Is is possible today to have three wives, if I should decide to emigrate to India?”
“No,” he replied, “Get those ideas out of that head of yours! Instead. Let’s teach our students how to understand India today!”
Note in the image above from the “Matrimony” section of the HINDU (May 22, 2005) that one can find advertisements of Christians as well as Hindus seeing a groom or bride. I read the ad on the right column for a Hindu Nadar bride-to-be, looking for a groom of the same caste, but no more than 6 years older than the bride. She was" born Nov 3, l983," important for the day in the month and the year areto examined for for both bride and groom determine the couple’s particular horoscopes. Only after appropriate dates are student, in traditional India, can a wedding be planned.
Of interest to me also was the ad on left bottom. “Christian Doctor, girl employed in UK”, and ”28 years old, l65 centimeters tlal, l looking for a groom as "doctor/engineer employed in the UK or USA." I showed this to one of my students that day, but he did not qualify. She was too old he said, and he did not have a job. So we did not respond to the ad!
When Hindu weddings take place they are most often arranged by the bride and groom ’s families but that today the bride and groom do have some choice, , but the wedding is not expected be determined by “love”. For example in both India and Pakistan from a study in l993 by R. V. Levine less than half the indvdiuals studied in various parts of the world more than half in both India and Pakistan “’would marry without love" (Rider 342).
The wedding is not just for one day, but usually four days are ne eded to provide time in each to prepare for the completion.
On the first day the bridegroom and bride meet. Actually, in some circumstances they may never have seen each other before, but that is rare, I was told, in these times. But I learned that a bride and groom from India living in the USA found each other on the world wide web, perhaps with some assistance of a “matchmaker” and decided themselves to get married. But they then reverted to an older custom of meeting in person, for the first time, on the first day of their wedding week.
In other research I discovered:
The institution of Hindu wedding, can be traced back to Vedic times. The ceremony is usually held on a day in the "bright half" of the northern course of the sun. A few months before the wedding an engagement ceremony or "Mangni" is held. During this ceremony, the families get together exchange gifts, bless the couple and announce the date of the marriage. For a Hindu love before marriage is not very important. The elders, considering the family caste, background, status and the bride/grooms character, mostly arrange the Hindu wedding. Though love marriages are today accepted, it is still frowned upon to marry inter-caste. Prof. Pani suggested that changes are taking place in India and there have been many inter-caste marriages in the past.
The Hindu wedding is extended over a period of four days. The actual wedding, according to Hindu rituals takes place in the bride's house. Here Prof. Pani commened, "very often the number of people getting invited to a wedding is reasonalby large and hence the wedding takes place in a wedding hall in town (unless, of course, the girl lives in a palatial mansion."
The groom comes along with his close friends and relatives and the bride's family receives them with a great feast to which Prof. Pani added: "feast and fanfare.
It is considered highly inauspicious if the groom returns from the bride's house without marrying the girl. After the wedding has been solemnized, her mother and female relatives bid the bride a tearful farewell. This is because according to Hindu rituals, after the wedding, the bride belongs to the family of the groom and his house becomes hers. On their arrival at the groom's place, the groom gives another feast. During this feast, the new relatives welcome the bride with gifts of jewelry and clothes. The third day is for introducing the bride to all the relatives and friends of the groom. Her dowry is displayed and accepted by her new family. The nuptials are consumed on the fourth day of the Hindu wedding. This comprises of a number of rituals like bathing in turmeric, drinking milk, dressing up etc. to arranging the nuptials room with flowers. To the Hindu love starts on that night.
The wedding rituals are briefly listed in an email from Damcho Finnegan:
• Vara Satkaarah - reception of the bridegroom and the bride's mother blesses the groom with rice and tilak of vermilion and turmeric powder.
• Madhuparka Ceremony - bestowing of presents to the groom by the bride's father
• Kanya Dan - the bride's father gives away his daughter
• Vivah-Homa - the sacred fire ceremony
• Pani-Grahan - the groom accepts the bride as his lawfully wedded wife
• Pratigna-Karan - the couple walk round the fire and take Hindu wedding solemn vows
• Shila Arohan - the mother of the bride prepare the bride with counsel for the new life
• Laja-Homah - rice is offered to the sacred fire by the bride
• Parikrama or Pradakshina or Mangal Fera - the couple circles the sacred fire seven times. This is the act that legalizes the ceremony. (see below the image of the walking around the sacred fire in the wedding of Prof. Pani's son)
• Saptapadi - the couple take seven steps representing nourishment, strength, prosperity, happiness, progeny, long life and harmony and understanding, respectively. At each step the couple make pledges, such as on the 4th step saying “let us acquire knowledge, happiness and harmony by mutual trust and love”…and on the 7th, “Finally, let us take the 7th Step and remain true companions and remain life long companions in wedlock.” (Anastasio, 165)
• Abhishek - sprinkling of water, meditating on the sun and the pole star.
• Anna Praashan - the couple make food offerings into the fire then feed a morsel of food to each other
• Aashirvadah - Blessings by the elders
(I have the good fortune of meeting Damcho Finnegan, a Tibetian Buddhist who is presently completing her Ph. D. thesis; and through her generosity and our mutual interest in weddings, I am able to take my readers to several weddings at which Damcho was not a “wedding crasher” but a legitimate guest. She brings to her study of ancient religions, both of Hinduism and Buddhism, the modern technology of a cell phone camera and several “youtube” links to the wider audience of her associates, and now for the benefit of my readers several selections).
On the first day there are “fifteen different rituals to be performed” (Ganeri, 6). Among them is the arrival of the bridegroom at the house of the bride, with singing and the placement of flower garlands around the groom’s neck. Only then does he get seated under a canopy.
In this regard some efforts are made to show that the groom has achieved several events in the life cycle of a Hindu male. Clearly the groom has passed through the stage of “becoming a student” wherein he has gone through a “Ceremony of the Cord” with his appropriate caste color. Brahmin males would be expected to have learned by heart a number of Vedic chants, perhaps even including the one used at his wedding. Well educated Brahmin’s would wish to have the ceremonies for their descendents performed by well known priests to attest to the importance of a “religious presence” at the wedding, just as many Western parents would prefer that their descendants be married by legitimate priests and pastors.
Sometimes friends of Indians make the journey to India for a wedding and find the saris such beautiful garments that they buy them for their future weddings. Note the "motley mix from Belgium, England, Canada, Ireland, Iceland, Scotland and Germany” at a wedding in Chennai for the wedding of Karthik Ramakrishnan, an engineer in Munich who went to Chennai to marry his bride, Divya (Frederick, 22).
Dancho Finnegan captured a moment in the wedding celebration entitled “Going to Kashi”, in which the “groom symbolically passes through the idealized life phases for Brahmins before arriving at the householder stage, when the actual wedding takes place. Among the ideal phases is “the scholar phase”, when students graduate (with) their basic Vedic studies and go to Varanasi (known by its ancient name of “Kashi”) for advanced studies,. During the wedding ritual, the groom is symbolically outfitted for the journey to Varanasi . As he seems to exit the wedding hall, the bride’s brothers stop him and convince him to stay and get married instead. Then the grooms’ relatives escort him to the wedding hall. He wears" the traditional wooden shoes and carries an umbrella, a water pot and a bundle of food.”
Click here to see “Going to Kashi”(in three clips):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZRDOX3vUSM
The family of the bride starts to list the virtues of the bride and beg him to come back. At this point there are exchanges of garlands of flowers, which are to enact the union of body , spirit, and soul. ”This rite, called VARMALA, represents the physical, moral, and social links joining the couples" (Baldizzoni 18).
Image from Baldizzone 19
Then the groom comes back, although the groom above still looks a little hesitant, even with all the flowers. At this point in the ceremony, he bride was presented to the groom and his family, The bride is carried into the room in “a cane basket as part of the ceremony known as kanyadana (“Gift of a Girl”) ..done with fanfare, the bride in white, with a long decorated braid". The groom is “grinning on stage, also in white, to the left of the screen. This wedding took place in Vijayawada, South India. (Damcho Finegan, personal interview, March 26, 2007).
Click here to go to a ceremony filmed by Damcho and put on “youtube”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N20Q2Sk8VdQ_
Then the father of the bride takes her right hand into the hand of the groom which affirms that the father agrees to give his daughter to the family of the groom. It is a very important act, for the father has protected his daughter for her whole life until that moment, so he is indicating that he trusts the groom to take his daughter into the home of the groom. From then the father will have no such connection to his daughter as before. Use the Tagore story here “Kabalwallah.”
Meanwhile the guests are not reading a Tagore short story, they listen to a priest recite Vedic texts in Sanskrit.
Later in the process, after the bride and groom have met, but are still quite nervous, for they have had no memorable moments or even minimal interaction. So a “ceremony of play” seems to have been designed in an earlier to time to give the couple a physical contact with each other in a playful manner. I could not help but think of the bride and groom in many weddings in the West taking piece of cake and trying to feed each other. Since Western weddings have couples, even who have known each other for years, sometimes seem awkward trying to aim for the mouth, and often missing, either by design or by inaptitude or nervousness
Dancho commented that “with the practice of arranging marriages that still dominates India, a bride and groom may be virtually strangers to one another, in theory at least. The wedding ceremony (that I filmed) thus had multiple moments of play built into them, to give bride and groom a chance to begin to feel more comfortable together, and to ensure a few joyful and relaxed moments in what may otherwise be a stressful and disorienting occasion. Here they compete to see who can pour more rice and jaggery (a kind of molasses) over the other's head.”
Dancho has uploaded “Play as part of a wedding,” of bride and groom pouring rice on each other as a clip on “youtube” and generously offered it to my readers who have never been to a Hindu wedding:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsvoHkR6HZE&mode=related&search=
As the days progress, the priest “sprinkles the couple with holy water, then he ties the grooms’ scarf to the bride’s sari to show that they are joined together for lif.” (Ganeri 8). This moment could be compared to a link in a modern Jewish wedding describe below.
Thereupon the bride puts her foot onto a stone (as a symbol of her firmness in conviction to remain loyal to the groom and his family to which she now belongs), and the priest offers prayers for her to remain true to her vow.
Next comes a part of ceremony "Walking Around the Sacred Fire". This moment was also captured by Damcho as the actual moment that the marriage takes place, according to some theories. Bride and groom take seven steps together around the sacred fire.” It is a real fire in a metal tub resting on the floor of the hall.
Click here for Damcho’s clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYIqdykbBSc
(On this link I found four other Indian weddings appear on my screen, but I do not have the videographer on hand with whom I might discuss, as with Damcho above, what actually was being captured in the “youtube” clips.)
The seven steps are representative of the following: food, health, riches, good luck, children, a happy life together, and enduring friendship. Then follow the rest of the wedding celebration with dancing, singing and eating.
India is a major part of the global network, for most of the calls I make from California about something to do with my credit card or about travel are answered by women or men, , who upon being asked where they are and why they are so awake say, “I am in New Delhi.” Is it not then to be expected that there will be marriages made across religious lines? This image below seems to support marriage in a global network.
Image from : www.love-track.com
This link takes one through an interesting story of an interfaith marriage with some difficult moments:
My Hindu Wedding
Now April20, 2007 I find the most recent wedding in India which I will attach from my BBC report on the web:
Bollywood celebrates star wedding
Two of Bollywood's biggest stars, Aishwarya Rai and Abhishek Bachchan, have wed in the Indian city of Mumbai.
Only about 100 guests were invited to the evening ceremony held at one of the groom's family's homes.
But outside, thousands of fans packed the streets trying to catch a glimpse of the couple and celebrity guests.
Ms Rai is a former Miss World, while the groom is son of veteran superstar actor Amitabh Bachchan and actress turned politician, Jaya Bachchan.
The marriage had been the house to try to keep onlookers away.
But the BBC's Monica Chadha says there were chaotic scenes as a crowd appeared
Police were forced to use batons to try to control them and a team of private security guards formed a human chain around the house which overlooks a main road.
There was drama late on Thursday when a woman claiming to be Bachchan's lover slashed one of her wrists outside his house. She did not appear to have been seriously hurt.
The ceremony began with a procession ..of white horse along the road from one of the Bachchan family bungalows to another, where Rai was waiting for him.
The couple were wed according to Hindu marriage rites, including a ceremonial walk around a fire seven times which signifies that the couple will reunite for their next seven births.
Eleven priests were reportedly called in to conduct the marriage.
Close friends, including industrialist Anil Ambani and politician Amar Singh, as well as fellow actors Kajol and her husband Ajay Devgan, Preity Zinta and Sanjay Dutt, were among those on the guest list.
The groom's childhood friends, including directors Apoorva Lakhia and Rohan Sippy, were there too.
Rai had been expected to wear a special outfit created by her long-time designer, Neeta Lulla, while Bachchan is thought to have opted for an ensemble designed by duo Abu Jani and Sandeep Khosla, who are close to the Bachchan family.
A friend of the family said the Bachchans wanted to keep it small as the groom's grandmother is unwell and undergoing treatment in hospital.
'No honeymoon'
The big day was preceded by the sangeet, or music night, on Wednesday, when relatives and friends joined the couple to dance and sing songs.
Amitabh Bachchan and his wife Jaya reportedly performed a special waltz for the couple, while their friends gave special performances.
Thursday evening was the mehndi, or henna night, when the bride's hands and feet are painted with henna in preparation for the big day.
This took place at Rai's residence in Bandra, while a dinner party took place at the Bachchan bungalow.
Reports say the couple will not go on honeymoon because Abhishek Bachchan wants to be close to his grandmother.
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/south_asia/6573559.stm
Published: 2007/04/20 15:08:40 GMT
© BBC MMVII
Let’s conclude this chapter with a film of a wedding:
http://www.kamat.com/vikas/blogs/mw_14.jpg
My favorite film watched in the "album project" research is" Monsoon Wedding," from award winning director Mira Nair (2002) in a version on DVD by University Studios. The wedding is portrayed as an arranged marriage in which , the groom meets the bride on the first day of a four day festivity. As the film opens the bride has mixed feelings about her wedding, for she is still in love, and in the middle of an affair with a man at her job, who is already married
.
The groom appears also in a strained situation , but many, many preparations have already been made for the wedding. For example, some decorations are still in process by a lonely working class man, whose mother wants him to be married as well.His prospects for a marriage seem quite remote.
The first day passe; , but the bride seeks one more night with her lover, in which while parked in a van attempting to make love, the police arrest the “lover”. Thereby, the director has put in themes from the book written by Sabrina Dhawan of a struggle of the bride to extract herself from a love affair with a married co-worker in a TV station, who appears with his car to drive her into a comical love making scene when police appear to search him and his car for signs of terrorist activity. And meanwhile one member of the wedding party attempts to molest a young girl as he apparently had done years before to a cousin of the bride.
At the end of the first night, the bride rushes back to her house.
The next day the bride and the groom almost decide to cancel the wedding. But after an impassioned plea by the groom, who has lived in America and seems to bring an openness in the negotiations, the couple comes to “let’s try to make this marriage work” outlook .
Subplots abound as the decorator meets a possible mate, and a child molestor attempts to seduce a beautiful girl who looks about 10 years old.
There is music, delightful upbeat Indian music, which moves the story along until the final day when the wedding takes place just at the time the annual monsoon starts; so the film ends triumphantly with the rains pouring down as if to affirm the celestial support from the sky.
In sheer number of films produced in the world the Indian film industry is the most prolific. The joyful sound track moves from noisy bands in processions to the ceremony to the quiet mood of meditation. The greatest scene, for me, came at the end of the film when the wedding finally takes place amid dancing and joy.
In our modern life, Indians move freely between their birthplaces in South Asia to America. In this film, Texas is depicted. After going to India on a journey, I was not surprised to hear English is spoken between several members of the couples families. Subtitles are used in Indian dialect, when English is spoken. The groom saves the day by telling the bride that they can “put behind” them past lovers, even the one who had come to the bride between the betrothal and the wedding which were, in this case, only four days apart.
As this "album project" came to a close in December 2010, I remembered that Professor Pani Chakrapani had told me about the wedding of his son in New York this summer. I was happy that he would share the images of his son's wedding with some commentary.
First the wedding takes place in a KALYAN MANDAP which represents many things, but the visual impact is similar to a CHUPA for a Jewish wedding.
Below is the VIVAH-HOMA- the sacred fire ceremony
Then comes walking around the fire.
Remember above from Finegan "this is the act that legalizes the ceremony."
Below the groom is putting a ring on the bride's toe.
After the ceremony, the family joins in wedding photograph taking as in most weddings I have studied. But in no other wedding did I see such beautiful costumes.
Here we see the brde and groom in the center, with parents on each side. Prof Pane and his wife seem very happy, on the right of the bride. The father of the bride with the turban is dressed in somewhat different attire, because he is a Sikh. I learned that the four days of the celebration included also one ceremony in the Sikh tradition.
As well as the Hindu weddings discussed above it would seem appropriate to include weddings following the Buddhist traditiot. I have found none in modern times, but in texts about the Buddha's teaching one can find the following instructions for a young woman who is to be married to a Buddhist man.
“Thus is the northern quarter by him protected and made safe and secure.
In five ways does an Ariyan master minister to his servants and employees as the nadir:-by assigning them work according to their strengths; by supplying them with food and wages; by tending them in sickness; by sharing with them unusual delicacies; by granting leave at times.
“In these ways ministered to by their master, servants and employees love their master in five ways:-they rise before him, they lie down to rest after him; they are content with what is given to them; they do their work well; and they carry about his praise and good fame.Thus is the nadir by him protected and made safe and secure.
“In five ways should the clansman minister to recluses and Brahmins as the zenith:-by affection in act and speech and mind; by keeping open house to them, by supplying their temporal needs.
“Thus ministered to as the zenith, recluses and Brahmins show their love for the clansmen I six ways:-they restrain him from evil, they exhort him to good, they love him with kindly thoughts; they teach him what he has not heard, they correct and purify what he has heard, they reveal to him the way to heaven.
“Thus by him is the zenith protected and made safe and secure.Thus spoke the Exalted One…Now when the night was over, the Exalted One, robbing himself in the morning, took bowl and cloak and went to uggaha’s house, and there sat down on the seat made ready. And Uggaha, mendaka’s grandson, served and satisfies the Exalted One by hand with plenty of hard and soft food; and when the Exalted One had removed his hand from the bowl, he sat down at one side. Thus seated, he said:
“Lord, these girls of mine will be going to their husbands’ families; lord let the Exalted One counsel them, let the Exalted One advise them, for their good and happiness for many a day!” Then the Exalted One spoke to them and said:
“Wherefore, girls, trains yourselves in this way: to whatsoever husband our parents shall give us-wishing our weal, seeking our happiness, compassionate, because of compassion-for him we will rise up early, be the last to retire, be willing workers, order all things sweetly and be gentle voiced. Train yourselves thus, girls.
“And in this way also, girls: We will honour, revere, esteem and respect all whom our husband reveres, whether mother or father, recluse or godly man, and on their arrival will offer them a seat and water. Train yourselves thus, girls.
“And in this way also, girls: We will be deft and nimble at our husband’s home-crafts, whether they be of wool or cotton, making it our business to understand the work, so as to do and get it done. Train yourselves thus, girls. And in this way also, girls: Whatever our husband’s household consists of-slaves, messengers and workfolk-we will know the work of each by what has been done, their remissness by what has not been done; we will known the strength and weakness of the sick; we will divide the hard and soft food, each according to his share. Train yourselves thus, girls.
“And in this way also girls: The money, corn, silver and gold that our husband brings home, we will keep safe watch and ward over it, and act as no robber, thief, carouser, wastrel, therein. Train yourselves thus, girls.
“Indeed, girls, possessed of these five qualities, women on the breaking up of the body after death, are reborn among the devas of lovely form.”
1. “Many gods and men have devised blessings, longing for happiness, tell thou (me) the highest blessing."
2. Buddha said: “Not cultivating (the society of) fools, but cultivating (the society of) wise men, worshipping those that are to be worshipped, this is the highest blessing.
3. “To live in a suitable country, to have done good deeds in a former (existence), and a thorough study of one’s elf, this is the highest blessing.
4. “Great learning and skill, well-learnt discipline, and well-spoken words, this is the highest blessing.
5. “Waiting in mother and father, protecting child and wife, and a quiet calling, this is the highest blessing.
6. “Giving alms, living religiously, protecting relatives, blameless deeds, this is the highest blessing.
7. “Ceasing and abstaining from sin, refraining from intoxicating drink, perseverance in the Dhammas, this is the highest blessing.
8. “Reverence and humility, contentment and gratitude, the hearing of the Dhamma at due seasons, this us the highest blessing.
9. “Patience and pleasant speech, intercourse with Samanas, religious conversation at due seasons, this is the highest blessing.
10. “Penance and chastity, discernment of the noble truths, and the realization of Nibbana, this is the highest blessing.
11. “He whose mind is not shaken (when he is) touched by the things of the world (lokadhamma), (but remains) free from sorrow, free from defilement, and secure, this is the highest blessing.
12. “Those who, having done such (things), are undefeated in every respect, walk in safety everywhere, this is the highest blessing.” (Gard).
Having been asked to perform a wedding for a young woman who has become a Buddhist and a young man who is not, I plan to use the list above,as if from the Buddha himself, in a December 2010 wedding. Otherwise I shall use a white thread to extend in a circle around all the guests, which will symbolize the unity of support they bring, and then I shall cut the thread into as many segments as there are guests. Then each is to take the individual portion to make a small circle around the wrist to wear until it wears out!
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