1950's
(1). The first wedding I remember took while I was a sophomore in college, when my dear cousin Mary Ann Eaddy asked me to be a groomsman in her wedding in Raleigh , N.C. The year was 1952, the year when “Ike” Eisenhower was elected president, for a majority of people wore little badges which said, “I LIKE IKE.” Ike managed to bring the war in Korea to a draw. Instead of bringing all the troops home, however, a line was projected along the 38th parallel of Korea, and Southward along that “line in the sand” our troops have remained ever since. Nearly years have passed, and there was no treaty of peace.
The wedding of Mary Ann had no connection with the Korean War, but now in 2007 on reflection, perhaps her choice of a date came at a time when her groom had no fear of being sent to Korea, for after that year no more of my high school classmates would be drafted at least for that war; some, however, died in Korea and never had a wedding of their own.
The picture above is a few years before Mary Ann's wedding, and the other little beauty is her sister, Jo. I felt much more than a year had separated our birthdays.
Mary Ann graduated from St. Marys College in Raleigh in the spring of l952, and I remember the beauty of this favorite cousin, whom I had known since she was a child. During her wedding, I remember thinking, “When did she grow up and get so beautiful!”
They made a handsome couple walking down the aisle and deep in my memory of this the first wedding I can remember in my whole life.
On her wedding day, she was “coming of age” as a woman, entering into the “holy estate of matrimony," which in our l950's culture was a important moment of transition from being a college student to marriage and for her soon into motherhood.
I had just suffered the heartbreak of being “dumped” by a co-ed I had imagined as my “girl friend,” a rejected college boy, while the song, “Love Never Went to College,” played in the back of my brain.
Her wedding was the first step in a marriage which led to her bringing three children into the world, two sons and a daughter, each with a mate and of children of their own (I count 8) as is shown in the picture below with fourteen people.
Mary Ann took on a new career in landscape gardening, and recently in that role took to me to several places in both North and South Carolina to show me her projects. She seemed an angel during the time she nursed her husband and then my father through the last stages of their lives in the kindest spirit I can imagine on this side of heaven. She has embodied Southern hospitality in its most evolved state to my brothers and our families so many times it is hard to count; and she has only come once so far to join us to watch the sun set in the Pacific Ocean. Here she is with me in the photo below fifty years after her wedding, when she invited me back to Charlotte to my own high school graduation.
Thank you, dearest Mary Ann, for the many gifts far beyond any expected of a cousin. My brothers and I have often thought of you as the sister we never got!
Rudy Ruda
(2) Meanwhile, “Back to the ‘50's,” I was already in the NROTC, as
a midshipman 3 rd class, but I would not get to wear my white dress uniform for
three more years until I was commissioned and on the way to report for duty on
my first ship. I was not asked to participate in any more weddings until l955,
when two requests were made. One week after graduation from Duke a fresh
looking gold bar on a very white, unused uniform of an ensign, I reported for
two assignments. One was to my duty station of the U. S. Navy on a monday; but
the previous Saturday I was asked to serve in what might be called “a
wedding-detail” duty in Chevy Chase, Maryland as a groomsman for my classmate
and good friend, Lt. Rudy Ruda, who was commissioned the same day as I was, and
I can find myself on the first row next but one from Rudy. We were swearing to
“uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States of America from all
enemies foreign and domestic.”
Photograph by Whitley-Scott,
Durham N. C.
We wore those white uniforms on our graduation, and the
following Saturday we wore them to Rudy's wedding. Rudy chose to serve in the
Marine Corps, from which he had been on temporary assignment as a NROTC officer
candidate to study at Duke for four years. One summer midway through those
years, we were sent to Texas, where Rudy, 35 other midshipmen and I were given
flight instruction in both fighter and bomber aircraft, I imagined myself
requesting further flight instruction, hoping to get wings as a fighter pilot
upon our graduation from Duke. Rudy was not only more experienced from his
prior service in the Marine Crops, but he was wiser than I as well. He
cautioned me as to the danger of landing and even taking off from carriers
should I make such a choice. Probably I owe my life at this point to Rudy Ruda
for his caution, because my automobile driving was and is so reckless, I
probably would never even have earned wings, much less shot down any enemy
aircraft! Thank you, if somewhat belatedly, dear Rudy!
His bride was Patricia Burrus, also a classmate, and their
wedding was held in the Episcopal Church she had attended while growing up.
Pat, as we called her at Duke, was a leader on campus and one of the major
roles in which I remember her was of an officer in “Canterbury Club” for
students of the Episcopal persuasion, as one might say.
The massive and beautiful stone church in which Rudy and Pat
were married seemed a solid place to start a marriage, I thought. The organ
playing is a powerful memory of their wedding, especially during their
recessional. The bride looked beautiful in this golden moment, and Rudy had the
happiest look I ever had seen on his face during the 4 years I had known. He
had been the drum major of little NROTC drum and bugle corps for all four
years, wearing a hat that reminded me as a history major too as if Rudy were a
member of Napoleon's legions which conquered, at least for a while, most of
Europe. Meanwhile, watching Rudy marching out ahead of us, I had been a mere
drummer on the back row, preferring that weapon to the rifle most other
midshipmen would have to clean and tote.
Now at the wedding Rudy seemed relaxed, especially without the
big hat of the drum major; and we all felt we were entering the service of our
country at a somewhat more relaxed moment in history.
(By the way, as an historical footnote that serves to remind
me of the events which took place outside the wedding celebrations being
described, King Vidor's “War and Peace” would be shown during the first year of
Rudy's and my years in uniform. I remember seeing the film during the years I
served on the USS Iowa (BB-61), in the Atlantic Fleet and stationed in Norfolk
, VA. )
During a temporary assignment for a few months after their
wedding, Rudy was stationed at the Marine Corps amphibious base, “Little Creek,
” near where my ship was moored to a dock in the Norfolk Naval Base; and we had
a delightful Sunday at Virginia Beach , where I looked at their wedding
pictures. That year also saw the Cecil B. de Mille “The Ten Commandments”
(which will show again Saturday April 14.2007), with Charlton Heston playing
Moses, in a more agreeable manner than the NRA image he has projected onto the
world thereafter. I liked him better as Moses.
After that summer day, I saw Rudy only one more time, and I
never saw Patricia again. My ship was most often at sea for the next three
years, to Europe for half a year once, and four other sailings for briefer
exercises. Rudy and Patricia always sent me a post card with pictures of their
three children, with their names.
I remember the double shock when first I read of Pat's death
in the Duke Alumni Magazine, an untimely death in an automobile accident,
whereupon I made a visit to Rudy in Washington D.C. where their family had
settled after his military service concluded. We talked of grief. We talked of
a life after death, for he gave me assurance of meeting Patricia in the life to
come. We walked to the Vietnam Memorial, for I wanted to find the names of
students I had taught in my first years, who were listed there. I found two
names of young men I knew, and he as well found two names of men he had
serviced with who stayed in the Marine Corps into the l960's. I remember
weeping with him in that open air sanctuary, for those lives that had ended in
Vietnam and for his wife as well.
http://www.atpm.com/7.01/washington-dc/images/vietnam-memorial-420.jpg
What has this got to do with weddings? At this wall, Rudy and
I talked about our weddings, our marriages, and our lives. And in 2007 I
thought of those whom I remember having taught in Missouri who never had
weddings, because they were sent to die in Vietnam . For six of them I
conducted memorial services in Missouri , not weddings! Later I remember the
same shock of reading of Rudy's death in the Duke Alumni Magazine! It seemed
very sad to learn that both Pat and Rudy, my classmates, had both died before I
could write about their wedding. All attempts to reach his their children have failed. But I know that he was proud that his daughter Leslie graduated from Duke!
In the very same week of Rudy and Pat's wedding Norman Rockwell saw published his version of a civil wedding. I like the way that he captured the eagerness of the couple standing at the desk, the bride pulling herself up to sign, while the county clerk, who has done this task a hundred times or more, rests back in his seat. Even the little kitten is not very excited (Finch 114).
Joyce Kee
(3). After a summer cruise in l955 to Panama and Cuba on , I was assigned to the USN Communication School in Rhode Island for the fall. There I received an invitation to serve as a groomsman (not in uniform, I recall) in wedding request by Joyce Kee. Her groom was Frank McSpadden, who had spent many nights over two years of their courtship in my dorm room at Duke, since my roommate went away to serve Methodist churches on weekends. Thereby, Frank would become my temporary roommate. He often filled me in on events about the wider-world outside our campus and sometimes about financial matters. Joyce was both a classmate from Charlotte's Central High School and from Duke University, so she deserves a special place in this album of my memories.
Fifty years pass when Joyce and Frank celebrate their l955 wedding with a booklet of their wedding picture of the evet and then send a report of the wonderful life they have had together. They even sent a photo of the cake cutting in which I appear in a somewhat dazed image between the two of them. Joyce's little sister seems pleased in the foreground as were Ann Myers, her roommate to her left, and Betsy Brittain, a sorority sister one more removed to the left.
Joyce sent the following comments regarding the photo above and their life together. A southern custom, she reminded me, was to have a cake cutting the evening before the wedding day.
“This was usually held after the wedding rehearsal in someone's home or a club setting depicted here in the home of good friends… Wedding cakes are cut today at the wedding reception. In this picture of our cake cutting, Bill can be seen on the second row between the bride and groom. Another custom that exists today was the wedding breakfast again usually held in a home or club for the wedding party and family members of the bride and groom. Having a wedding breakfast does not support the custom of the bride and groom not seeing each other before the wedding on that day.
Our wedding took place at Dilworth Methodist Church in Charlotte, North Carolina home of the bride. The site was agreed upon by the bride and groom knowing they would make their home in Charlotte. The wedding party was made up of friends and family members of the bride and groom.
The bride and groom will always be grateful to Bill for making it possible for us to court on most weekend,s while I was a student at Duke by allowing Frank to use one of his empty beds in the dorm where he was house master. This experience made such a “blue devil” out of Frank that he pulls for Duke, even if they are playing his alma mater, Kansas.
In 2006 we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. As everyone says, there are” ups and downs” in any marriage. We both agree that the bumps along the way have made our love and our family stronger.” (Email message from Joyce in April 2002).
More recently in 2010, Joyce reported that she and Frank had moved to the same retirement home where my dad and two aunts had lived in previous decades.Many thanks go back to you, Joyce and Frank, for your pictures, comments, memories and friendship which now span sixty years.
John Hunt
(4). After I had completed me three years of active duty but still could fit into my dress whites, I was invited to Annapolis, Maryland to take part in the wedding of John and Pat Hunt. It was also my last summons to wear the white uniform, as in the picture below. John had been my USS IOWA shipmate, fellow traveler to exciting ports, and best of friends. The picture below was made in l959, one week before I met Helen Rank, who appears on this "album project" as my bride in the next chapter. John and Pat's wedding gave me the opportunity to experience a wedding in a Roman Catholic church and to witness the importance of the Sacrament of the Mass (Holy Communion for Protestants) given in the context of the wedding ceremony which also sacralizes Marriage and another of the Seven Sacraments.
Their wedding came one year after I finished my three year tour with the Navy, but John Hunt had served an extra year and served an instructor in chemistry at the U. S. Naval Academy in Annapolis , MD. the following year he went to the University of Chicago for his Ph. D. During a visit to Chicago John demonstrated his physical skills when we tried to find a parking space in that busy city for our first VW. He could see I was not able to "drive" into the parking space, so he suggested lift in in. It worked, but I forgot how we got out of the narrow spot.
Here are some comments he made recently in remembering the wedding:
Regarding the wedding, the Naval Academy Laundry had given me one belonging to a very large someone else, and I had to iron the one I had worn the previous day, after removing a few smudges. We took showers under the hose because the septic system was stopped up, so the the tub wouldn't drain. Following the wedding, the generator in my car crapped out on the way to Ocean City for our one-night honeymoon, so that we had to stop and have it repaired. However, the pleasant memories far outnumber the unpleasant ones.
I changed jobs 12 times in my 22 years at NSF, but the most interesting job was Director of the Office of Polar Programs, which has responsibility for the US Antarctic Program as well as some research in the Arctic. In that job I was involved in the launching of two research icebreakers, including the Healy, which belongs to the Coast Guard. At NSF I also head of the Mathematical and Physical Sciences Directorate (math, physics, chemistry astronomy and materials research) for two 1+ year terms. In 2000 I was one of about 50 recipients of the Distinguished Presidential Rank Award, the top award for civilian Federal employees.
Now looking back at the time John and I were in the Navy during what I call the "Ike Age" I should add that those years of the l950's were a time of some anxiety in the world. The Hungarian Freedom Fighters had stood up to the Russians, if briefly, for the freedom against Soviet rule, for long enough for many to escape to the west, a war seemed to loom in Lebanon. Moreover, I had participated in an exercise off Norway called “Strikeback” to show flexing of American naval muscle to the Russians in the "Cold War".
Lt. John Hunt was not called back into active duty, nor was I, when Kennedy was elected and we almost had a "hot war" over missles being brought from the USSR to Cuba. But during the l980's with the buildup of our armed forces, the USS Iowa BB-61 was brought out of mothballs into active duty. But the "Cold War" of the l950's lasted until Ronald Reagan asked the Russians to take down the Berlin Wall. Actually it was the bravery of East Germans who brought down the first part of that wall in l989, and the USSR split into many different nations. (Those of us in the armed forces in the l950's might have seen Reagan performing in “Bedtime of Bonzo” on the screen or otherwise advertising for Jeris Antiseptic Hair Tonic… (Pearce 102).
Alas another generation passed and John sent a picture in 2007 of his son's recent wedding:
I liked very much ending this segment with this photo showing a generation has passed and life goes on for those of us who lived in the l950's. The fifty years since their wedding also allowed me some time to ponder the differences between a Roman Catholic and a Protestant wedding. The biggest surprise to me at their wedding was the moment in which the presiding priest gave the Sacrament of Holy Communion to Pat, while John waited patiently for her to return to his side. I now realize that the combination of the two sacraments, Marriage and Holy Communion have been often used in wedding ceremonies, at least, for a century. I did not know at the time of their wedding or for many years thereafter the degree to which theologians in the Roman Catholic Church had reflected and written on marriage, nor I am sure did my good friend John Hunt on his wedding day. For example, in Brantl (1962) which I received that year from Helen's boss, Dr. Bingham Dai, Duke University Medical Center, I found the following commentary:
"...the sacred partnership of true marriage is constituted both by the will of God and the will of man. From God comes the very institution of marriage, the ends for which it was instituted, the laws that govern it, the blessings that flow from it; while man, through generous surrender of his own person made to another for the whole span of life, becomes, with the help and co-operation fo God, the author of each particular marriage, with the duties and bessings annexed thereto from divine institution..."
Wow, I doubt that any couple will ever ask for that paragraph in their ceremony, but reading it today, again, served to add a responsibility to Roman Catholics, lapsed or active, who invite me to their ceremony to remember the theological significance of my role.
I recently discovered for this "album project" that the wedding vows appropriate to the Roman Catholic Ceremony include the traditional formula (using here the names of my dear friends, Pat and John) as follows:
"I, John, take you, Patricia, for my wife to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, richer, or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part'” (Carmody 32).
I do not remember exactly if John said just that, but his testimony by his life and commitment have affirmed that vow. Pat has done likewise. Moreover, these vows are the same language as in the Anglican version of the wedding ceremony, suggesting that one was taken from the other.
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