Weddings of Children and Friends

(1). Williams Family Weddings.

Of the friendships forged over my life none has been more enduring than that with Ed Williams, (“Professor,” “Dean,” “Chancellor,” “PFC,” or “Sargent Fattersnackle O'Toole”, “shipmate” or “compeer” I have used them all). Here I might be announcing “Sail, ho!” But who knows? Ed looks as calm at sea as in any of the three weddings I participated in for his family.

In any case our friendship started forty-four years ago, when we both reported for duty at Westminster College in Fulton, Missouri, he as the Dean of the College and I as the Chaplain. Among my fondest memories, aside from the weddings discussed below, was an incident about l969 when and FBI agent was on our campus investigating a history professor who was outspoken against the War in Vietnam . The agent came to my office, presented his credentials in hard copy and the assertion that he was a Presbyterian layman and hoped I would help him sort through “the un-American activities going on here on YOUR campus.” I knew we were off to an awkward start. For although he knew already I had been a U. S. Navy officer, he did not realize that I was equally opposed to the War in Vietnam . After about five minutes, I knew I would say something I regretted, so I simply announced, “Sir, I think we need a witness to this conversation, and I would like to call my dean, Dr. E.K. Williams to join this conversation.”

I took the agent over to Ed's much bigger and less littered office, which I knew would put the discussion on a different plane with a different tone. With his head of white hair, in as military looking crew cut as my own less decorated hair formation, with his extra decade of life showing up in the lines of his face, and with his calm manner, he immediately recognized the issues, and gave the FBI agent a quiet lecture on the importance of academic freedom in a college setting to help bring out students to a variety of opinions. His clincher was to tell the agent the next time he came on campus to investigate a faculty member, that he would first have to get approval from the “Dean's office” before he took it upon himself to have secret discussions.

Ed moved to Redlands in l969 but went back to Missouri for the first of the weddings described below. He was one of the founding faculty members of the Johnston College that year. I followed his path to Redlands in l974 when I was appointed to the Department of Religion.

Here are some of Ed's recent comments on weddings:

When Bill requested Williams' marriage recollections, my first question to myself was, "Why are there only three to recall? We had four kids; they needed five 'hitchings' over the last forty-one years; our family has known & adored the Huntleys for forty-three. How come we missed his 'sealing touch' on two weddings?"

Eventually I remembered that Suzie & Al were married in '66, two years after we'd met Huntleys, & we were in Wyoming , far from Fulton , MO. Suzanne was born in Wyoming , wanted a wedding in her mom's family church. Their vows "took ; by now she & Al are doting grandparents.

Four years later Lucy & Ron were married (by Bill, of course) in Colombia , MO, in a rented college chapel. By then we'd moved to California , Bill was still in Missouri , & Lucy & Ron had been students at the U. of Missouri . So the family gathered in Columbia , where Lucy had made all arrangements--including a trumpet solo by her brother Dick. In spite of a four-year time handicap, Ron & Lucy now have twice as many grandchildren as Suzie & Al. (That might tell you something about Bill's effectiveness as a facilitator of productive unions.)

Five years later Dick & Linda were married in Idaho --not by Bill, but by another fine friend, since deceased, who had done some personal favors for Dick. Dick had good reasons for his choice of ministers. I can't resist pointing out; however, that Dick & Linda, married by a surrogate for Huntley, as yet have no grandchildren. (Because their two progeny remain as yet unmarried, though, Dick & Linda have no complaints.)

That brief apology brings me up to the chronology. Bill married Lucy to Ron in 1970. Two days before Christmas in 1978, in Los Vegas, he married Alice & "Bob." (Though that marriage did not last, it produced one offspring.) Then, in July '86, when Alice married the wonderful Rick Root, Bill took on an unfamiliar role, wedding photographer, with brilliant results--classic movies & still photos. (Molly, Rick's & Alice's beautiful red-headed daughter, now studies at the U. of Nevada in Reno . Sam, the child of Alice 's first marriage, now flies as first officer for Mesa Airlines.)

*

That's it. To think of any of the three "Huntley weddings" brings back cherished recollections. For instance, a moment near the end of Lucy's wedding, when the ceremony had just ended: Bill is beaming at Ron, who looks shell-shocked. The silence is breathless. Bill's benevolent unspoken message isn't getting through. ("Mrs. Chamberlain is WAITING.") (To the best of my knowledge, that was the first & last time Ron had to be told when to kiss his wife.)

Another bright moment was the entrance of Mrs. Branham & her nephew. She had become a special, though often puzzling & frustrating, family friend. A superb house cleaner, she chose very carefully the families she'd work for as long as they behaved themselves. If they ever got a tad bossy or condescending, they never saw her again, at least inside their home. And yet her code never allowed her to have lunch at our table. “Does she consider herself a servant or doesn't she?” we kept asking ourselves. Finally we recognized that she had worked out her own reversal of slavery status: she had come to own us, & was proud of her property. Long after we had left town she continued to write, telling us of her nephew's progress, etc. She loved to sit on our porch at parade time. Our house was on the "official route"; Mrs. B. could count on seeing & being seen.

Lucy had kindly, thoughtfully invited her to the wedding, but as we got under way Mrs. B., as we called her, was nowhere to be seen.

Arrive she did, however; after driving all the way to the Columbia campus with her dressed up & polished nephew--wouldn't have missed the occasion for worlds. Fifteen minutes into the ceremony, a resplendent Mrs. B. & her nephew sailed into the chapel, swept grandly down the aisle ignoring the ushers, & plumped themselves down on the "groom's side." Mrs. B. thereby placed her official seal of approval on the wedding. From that moment on, the Chamberlain union was bound to be blessed.

***

Moving on now to 1978, I speak now of Alice 's wedding in Las Vegas , to "Bob." Her account of course will be the real inside story, but I can say something about preliminary negotiations. Alice 's situation was a reversal of Lucy's. Alice 's older sister had worked out everything in Columbia by the time the "performing cast" arrived. But Alice had driven down to Las Vegas from Pocatello , knowing only "what" & "when." Unable to make arrangements, Alice knew only that she'd be in a wedding somewhere in town, probably at such & such a time. The hows & whens & where she'd been forced to leave to her father & her resourceful minister friend..

Almost from the first time we met, I'd sized up Bill as a capable & ingenious young man; our Las Vegas excursion, though, convincingly proved that I had only underestimated him. We--Bill, his daughter Heather, & I--had had such an easy, relaxed ride from Redlands . It was one of those sunny winter days when the mountains were sharply etched on the horizon, & picture-book scenery graced our journey. We were the vanguard, the scouting, exploring component, off on an early lark. No worries, only the most minor of duties to be performed. But once we hit town--oh, my! My eyes started to bug out--partly because red tape was choking me, partly because Bill was calmly, safely, & efficiently whacking it into pieces.

Las Vegas boasts dozens, maybe hundreds, of wedding chapels, practically drive through establishments. Besides extracting gold & green from gamblers, weddings are what Las Vegas does--& undoes. Right? Well, yes, if you don't care who your preacher is. But if you think you can set up a do-it-yourself wedding in one of those quickie chapels, think again. You'd find it easier to unfold a sleeping bag in the Waldoff-Astoria lobby. No, Bill & Ed, wake up & get serious. You'll not only have to find a real church (in an unreal town), you'll have to find a way to legalize your wedding. (Fat chance. Oh, well, if you have a month to spare for negotiation & possible bribery . . . .)

So Bill did all that. Cheaply, in less than a day. Simply, sure-footedly, hardly any visible fuss or muss. Only he can tell you just how it was done in a borrowed Presbyterian church, with a co-signed wedding license. It was done, & if Bob & Alice had been able to stand one another, their marriage certificate would have easily repelled, during their full lifetimes, any legal challenge.

The wedding itself produced at least one "spot of time" for me. In those days Bob had a pretty rough bunch of cronies, not your run-of-the-mill church crowd. What I remember is the way Bill settled them down in the sanctuary. To have truly sobered them up might have been chemically impossible, but I do recall overhearing, at the end of the ceremony, a remark I considered lapidary, worthy to be carved in stone: "You know, there IS something about these church weddings. They kind of get to you."

As I look back, I think that wedding might have been the severest test of Bill's friendship, & I continue to be grateful the friendship survived.

***

I come now to the third Williams wedding in which Bill participated. This time Bill didn't perform the wedding ceremony; he merely immortalized it. He was its photographer.

The place was Redlands Trinity Episcopal Church; reception in the parish hall. Eight years had gone by since that improbable Las Vegas event. Alice 's son Sam had been born & had grown to elementary school age. In honor of the occasion he was dressed in a miniature version of the tuxedo his stepfather-to-be was wearing. Alice had become a substantial independent citizen--a homeowner with additional rental property, a licensed RN fully qualified as a labor room scrub nurse. Her local PTA was beginning to lean on her. She'd conquered her smoking habit. She had a new "shine" & maturity. The wedding venue, too, was a complete contrast. Many Redlands people would agree that the Episcopal Church is one of the loveliest buildings in a city that boasts several architectural prizes.

Bill's performance was extraordinary. For one thing he knows his way around a church, how to be inconspicuous, what to look for. He's been a long-time camera buff, has acquired high-level skills. One who DOES weddings himself, he has long observed what happens to people during those intense moments. If anyone is qualified to capture significant images, he is.

Because his pictures speak so well for themselves, I'll end with a single reference to Bill's movie shots of Sam at the reception, near the fruit bowls. Bill shows Sam thoughtfully, solemnly eating fruit. Then the camera leaves him, captures other human interest scenes & exchanges, finally returns to Sam. There he is, face as expressionless as Buster Keaton's, methodically & efficiently disposing of fruit. Again Bill's camera leaves him, again returns; & by now the movie watchers are howling.

But the scene isn't just funny; like the best of comedy, it's also sad. You find yourself projecting serious thoughts that trouble a little boy: What's Mom's husband going to be like? How is Mom going to change? I'll be left out, won't I? So you find yourself, even while you're laughing, wishing Sam could find something besides the fruit to console himself with.

So I end with a salute to a photographer with a minister's insight & compassion.

Now Lucy Chamberlain's own Wedding Memories

I think of our wedding as a perfect day, although a critic might point out that many things almost went wrong. Mother would have taken care of all the details for me but I thought I could handle it so she did her best to not worry. I thought Mother looked beautiful and I still have the dress she wore to our wedding.

Many people helped to make it a wonderful day for us. Dad and Alice rescued the reception by alerting the hotel staff to the time. I suspect that Mother wisely asked them to check on things and set up the special serving dishes and tablecloths she had brought from California . Brother Dick did a flawless job with difficult trumpet music, although he had to transpose at the last minute. Cousins spent hours blowing up balloons and making a noisy tin can tail for our getaway car.

Rev. Bill Huntley, a close family friend, performed a lovely simple service. His broad smile throughout the ceremony helped to create a friendly and loving feeling that encouraged a nervous bride and groom, and set a comfortable tone for the gathering.

God blessed us with perfect weather, a balmy sunny day ( June 6, 1970 ) at the tiny Green Chapel at the University of Missouri in Columbia . I felt beautiful in my wedding dress, and we were happy that it was a small traditional wedding with close friends and family. My heart filled with joy as the heavenly trumpet sounds filled the chapel and I walked down the aisle.

At the time I wondered a little bit about why I heard stifled laughter as I walked down the aisle. I thought it might be because despite how much I smiled at my future husband he looked frozen to the spot. Maybe it was because our black friend, Mrs. Branham, came in late, after all the grandmothers and mothers had been seated, and proudly took her place. I don't know if she sat on the bride's or the groom's side. Actually I wasn't aware of her presence at all until the reception, but I kept trying to get Ron to return my smile. I saw my sister Suzie wink at him and then he smiled. I found out years later that Ron's cousin Judy was trying to put in a contact lens at about the time when the trumpet sounded and Aunt Dorothy was startled and bumped her and she dropped it. That gave Aunt Dorothy the giggles and the laughter was infectious with quite a few folks who saw what happened. I guess Judy did recover the contact, but people were giggling at her efforts to be discrete about her search.

(Judy's loss of contacts didn't hurt her aim when throwing rice.)

Ron had particularly asked Rev. Huntley to make it a very short ceremony. At first I wasn't sure I agreed with Ron, but when the ceremony took place I was grateful as I could barely squeak out a whisper. Ron was pretty nervous too, and at the moment when the groom usually kisses the bride there was a long pause. Rev. Huntley smiled down kindly on us. No response from Ron. I looked up at Ron expectantly and smiled. No response from Ron. He was glued to the spot. When a little laughter from the crowd woke him up Ron did finally remember to kiss me. Then it was time to go down the aisle again. I was all smiles now until without a word Ron pulled the ring off my finger. I stared at him in shock. We had a little discussion as we went down the aisle and outside of the church. It turned out that Ron feared he put my ring on the wrong finger, but I was sure he was right the first time. By that time Ron and I were way out under a tree in the courtyard. (We were supposed to wait by the church door.) Larry Probst called out to us from the doorway of the chapel, "Hey Ron! Come back. You can't take her away yet!" Our photographer decided to make the most of the moment, and asked us to kiss under the tree. Though Ron still looks stiff and nervous, that photo is still my favorite wedding picture.

The next wedding I conducted in the Williams family was for Lucy's sister Alice, whom we had known also from the first days in Missouri in the summer of l964. Many times later she would baby sit our daughters, and she served as a mentor for their interest in riding horseback, if not in giving daily care of feeding and cleaning a horse that they later got to own. Alice was married in Henderson near Las Vegas , Nevada . My daughter, Heather, went along to the wedding with Ed and Phyllis Williams, where we met Alice and her groom. Here we are all dressed up and ready for the wedding. But the most memorable moment in this wedding is finding out that no one who is not a resident of Nevada can actually conduct a wedding ceremony for anyone in that state, even though the people who went there to get married only arrived ten minutes earlier. So by some good luck or the good karma of the Williams clan, we managed to find a local Presbyterian pastor, in Henderson, NV who took me at my word, or at least looked at my gown and my Book of Common Worship and sat in his office while I conducted the ceremony in the adjoining room, declared, “Sounded like a good Presbyterian wedding, give me the document, I will sign it. Ed and Heather were the witnesses, and we were ready for the next step.

From that marriage, Alice had an amazing son, Sam, who is presently an airline pilot, who is now also married and living in Pennsylvania .

I was a guest at the second wedding of Alice , which was held in Trinity Episcopal Church in Redlands , conducted by the then priest, Fr. Heimers. Jeff Richard remembers playing the organ which can be heard by clicking here.

In this wedding I was asked to be the videographer. The video quality was below the standard for which most people would be willing to accept, but I did capture Alice's strong voice in saying her vow. The recessional with the organ playing is wonderful, at least in the sound track. But the most memorable part of the reception was the appetite of Sam. To view Sam eating, watch these two videos: video one and video two (Sam still eating twenty minutes later).

(2). Crawford Family Weddings.

Judy Crawford married Chris Ingram on in March l981. Judy had already graduated from the UOR, but she met Chris from New Zealand, where they moved after their wedding.

Meanwhile her sister, Cindi ,worked in the bookstore, and her mother, Loreen, worked as secretary to the Communicative Disorders Department. So to go to perform the meeting felt from the first like a family event.

Then the wedding of Nancy Crawford and Jerry Sirski on September 21, l985 that produced this beautiful and professionally done picture:

Nancy, quite clearly the bride on the right with Jerry her groom, next are Loreen and Bill, her parents to her right, Judy and Chris in the middle, Cindy with her now deceased husband, Dale, holding their baby, Christopher; on the left Marcy Crawford is standing next to John Hunt. The ceremony is the lawn by the University of Redlands Alumni House .

The recent picture of Nancy and Jerry's children

And a recent letter from Nancy :
We were married on September 21 st , 1985 . We felt our wedding was blessed by nature as the weather was absolutely perfect and smog free for our outdoor ceremony. We had around 125 guests: we had wanted a small, intimate wedding, which naturally grew, and caused me, a fairly reticent person, some anxiety—but, in fact, the day of the wedding we realized we were so happy that everyone was there! My only regret was in not inviting children to the wedding—what were we thinking?!! Jerry still thinks ill-thoughts of the classical guitarist we had hired for before the wedding – thought he did a mediocre job. I have absolutely no recollection of that! We had Mr. Deukmajyn and his oompa band at the reception at the Alumni House—that was a lot of fun. We had the whole lot of Ukrainian elders there from Jerry's side of the family, who serenaded us with some traditional Ukrainian songs of blessing. Most of them have since passed away, along with the most of the old culture.

Someone videotaped the ceremony for us—that was fancy high tech stuff back then. A couple of planes flew by during the ceremony and the rustic audio system picked it up and made it sound like we were being married on the tarmac of LAX… still makes us laugh.

We wrote our own vows with your assistance. We were able to express our spirituality through a reverence and connectedness with nature—a bond that is as important to us now as it was then, and that we share with our two children Annie and William. We really appreciated your help, humor and patience! Getting married is such a paradoxical event: one has to deal with so many unimportant details to get to the really simple and yet profound commitment. I remember feeling very uptight and hypocritical about material aspects of the wedding such as the wedding showers (looking back, though, I may have had a good reason, as I ended up having three wedding showers!) Now I realize, with the hope that it is a one-time deal, a wedding certainly deserves some hoopla, and that the material trappings are simply gestures of good wishes.

In the twenty years that has so quickly passed, there have been times when we have felt so inspired in our marriage that we have contemplated renewing our vows, and other times in which we have pondered whether we had made a big mistake! But we are still together, and so happy you had a hand in it! I hope this information is of some use—it has been a fun excuse to reminisce. If you have any other questions, please feel free to contact me.

Sincerely,
Nancy Sirski

(3) Gonzales Family Wedding and Funeral

Within the church I have attended for thirty years I did a wedding for the Gonzales family. The wedding was for a couple, neither of whom I had not met before our pre-marriage counseling session. Elizabeth Gonzales had grown up in our little church then called Impact Presbyterian, where her mother Eunice Gonzales welcomed my family on our arrival in California . Elizabeth 's brother, Bobby, gave a cameo appearance in a Super 8 film I shot during a new members class in our church. Elizabeth 's father, Raphael, who had been born in Mexico , was guest of honor at the wedding.

John Leighty, the groom, born in Kentucky was then living near San Francisco came down to be married on April 25, 1992. Standing in the park by a huge pine tree, 50 feet from the sign with the words of J.F. Kennedy where the words were written; “They asked not what their country could do for them!” John did what was asked of him, and pleased his father-in-law, who died the next day. Two days after that I was asked to do a funeral in a family gathering which had celebrated a wedding two days earlier. Now the mother of Elizabeth, Eunice passed away on Easter Sunday, April 8, 2007 .

(4). Meanwhile, on Easter Sunday, as my Sabbatical moved into the final month, I found myself imagining that all the people who have appeared in my email files, in my pictures, in my memory, and in my imagination all came together today in a huge party. It might be called a “Resurrection Party” in which all of us, in our favorite moment of a wedding day reception , would come in the garments of that wedding day and have the chance to talk with each other for a moment about our lives. Suddenly I realized that what I was during the last three months, reflecting on 30, 40 or 50 years of weddings I have attended was drawing up the guest list for such a party. Then as the sun sank into the sky and night dawned, I realized that such a party could only happen in the hereafter…in the world to come (or in Hebrew: Ha Olam Ha Bo).

“Five Weddings and a Baptism.”

On this same Easter day, I sat in Community Presbyterian Church behind Donna and David Cadwallader and realized that I had been to their wedding. I had already asked Donna for pictures of the wedding I preformed for her daughter, Becky. But then I remembered that I had been to the weddings of two other daughters, Cindy and Wendy, to Donna's granddaughter, Liz. I also remembered that I had done an infant baptism for the family when Liz was newly born.

Donna Colvin and David Cadwallader were married on May 11, l975 in our warm little church during a Sunday morning church service. Here they are leaving the church amidst the throng of rice throwers, Christine Hudspeth, Cindy Colvin on the left and Dan Ifft and Scot Shockley on the right.

In the Episcopal tradition it is impossible to have weddings on a Sunday, or Christmas, Easter, as well as other holidays. In our Presbyterian tradition Dave and Donna's wedding ceremony was performed by the Rev. Hal Hudspeth, then pastor of the church, and it seemed to be part of our worship of God. In fact, Hal sent out an announcement to the congregation, not like “bans” which were read in Scotland in the l960s in the church I worked in. But he wrote “a Christian wedding service (in case you've never experience the full fare) is a touching and marvelous experience. A wedding experience rightly belongs IN the service of worship with one's own congregation…” (Hudspeth personal correspondence).

Before that morning, I had never been to a Sunday morning service of any church with a wedding. The ceremony opened with a call to worship, followed by a song, “Morning Has Broken.” Then came the Wedding liturgy adapted from Kahlil Gibran' “You were born together. Dr. Richard Gatchel gave “the Wedding Prayer, after which Donna and David said, “You have been my friend for some time and that friendship has grown to love, that love has grown to devotion. And now, that devotion is calling for a commitment.

And so today in the presence of our families and friends, and asking God's blessing, each pledged as follows:

To share my life, from this day on, openly with you.

To speak the truth to you in love, to hear you when you speak to me as well.

To share your joy, pride and responsibilities as we watch our children grow, and to stand by your side as a loving parent.

To work along side you, to play along side you, and to grow along side you, to hold your hand when you must, for a while, walk alone.

To encourage your fulfillment as an individual, strengthening our union.

Then they exchange rings and were pronounced married

Both David and Donna had been married before. I was recently reminded that they met in the U. S. Postal Service, which to me seems a most improbable place to find cupid at work, and I wondered if it might be in the Valentine Day surge in mail. Donna brought four daughters and three sons into this world, and all came to her wedding that day. David had two daughters and two sons by a previous marriage. Now after the passage of 32 years, each looks a bit older than on the wedding day, but so do we all. If time has written its message on their faces, it has written in BOLD on my face for during the preparation of this CD, I have seen myself aging rapidly from the chapter set in the l950's until the recent weddings 55 years pass. David and Donna have lived by the line, “grow old with me, the best is yet to be.” Now in retirement with all of their children and some of their grandchildren married they relax for much of the year in San Felipi across the border down Mexico way.

The next wedding in their family to which I was invited was of Cindy Colvin and Kevin Connor, which was held in Dave and Donna's back yard. As we sort pictures looking for still shots of the wedding, they found a video which was shot by me. Their favorite shot was when the camera got knocked over so that only the food on the reception table appeared on the screen. Second favorite, was when Chuck, Cindy's brother was captured kissing Christine Hudspeth. CLICK here for an “i-movie” of those events.

The baptism of their son Patrick was performed by Dr. Dick Gatchel, who had done the wedding ceremony for Cindy and Kevin. Presbyterians, like Roman Catholics, Episcopalians, and Methodists, among others, consider baptism a sacrament which is performed on children on profession of faith by their parents.

Kevin recently scanned some family pictures from a pack packing trip to Utah to Bryce Canyon from which the family had returned this same week:

Photo by Cindy Connor

Kevin seems a pensive “rear guard,” Danny Watson (Wendy's son) in the penultimate position, with Patrick riding in the antepenultimate position! I love this full picture not only for the faces of the riders but for the full canyon view which is included with no cropping.

Next of the Colvin family weddings was that of Becky to Steven Wiens in the First Baptist Church Church, Redlands, California on September 8, l984 performed . The sanctuary with influences of Italian churches of the Fifth Century contributed to what felt a religious ceremony with the candles, music, and people. The Church seemed filled with joyful friends and family.

The First Baptist Church set a memorable tone for the wedding.

At this moment came a blessing of the two rings and the hands which would wear them. Steve and Becky already had many years of friendship when they stood before this cross. Their hands had shared the labor of working together in Griswold's Restaurant during their high school days. Now the Restaurant is long closed, but their marriage is as solid as any I have ever witnessed, now deepened by twenty-two years and blessed by children beyond their then imagination.

I had also long appreciated Steve's mother and father (on the right side of the image) through their many contributions to the University of Redlands ; and I came to know both Gordie, Steve's brother, and Nancy, his sister, in world religions classes.

Later, Nancy would become a Hebrew scholar with confidence enough to recite the 23 rd Psalm in its original language during her Baccalaureate service. Her recitation gave me more joy than anything I might have said that day. Recently I learned that she has completed her doctorate at San Francisco Theological Seminary.

Steve's father served a student body leader from the class of l956, then the community as President of Redlands Federal Savings and Loan, and the University of Redlands as a trustee on our board. Marion, Steve's mother is also a graduate of the University of Redlands from l957, whom I first met on a bus trip to the LACMA to view “Discoveries from the Tomb ofTutankhamen” in l975. They have welcomed me in their home and even asked me once to bring a class of students, so it was easy to feel part of this wedding party.

Similarly, as from the paragraphs above, I have known David and Donna (on the left) for a decade as well by that night. Reflecting in order to comment for this CD, I remember taking Becky to the U. of R. campus to meet some professors in the Department of Psychology where she was considering becoming a student, especially helpful was Prof. Anna Napoli.

Steve and Becky seem to be reaching out to the little guy who may be astonished as I was at the size of their wedding care. Both Steve and Becky brought family support, social awareness and as much a sense of responsibility to improving our world as any couple whose vows I have had the privilege to witness.

Here they are with their two sons, Jacob and Bob.

But now Jacob is sixteen and a talented musician on guitar and cello. Meanwhile Becky has joined the Nicolson, Pipes and Drums as a piper. They are active in their church life in Orange County .

The next wedding in the clan came when Wendy Colvin was married to Patrick Watson on November 11, 1989 at the Beaumont Presbyterian Church, performed also by Dr. Richard Gatchel, who incorporated some elements of the Hawaiian tradition, as can be seen in the picture in the lei which the groom wears around his neck. Now they are a family of five active in Calvary Chapel or Redlands , where Patrick is employed. Wendy works in More Middle school ; and the children clearly inherited their parents” talent; their home is filled with music, fun, and kids.

The last member of the beautiful Colvin women to be married was Liz. Before I can discuss the wedding ceremony, I need to say that as an infant on Christmas morning, l985 Liz was brought to our home and baptized by me using the ceremony in the Book of Common Worship of the Presbyterian tradition. Usually, I have done baptismal services in the sanctuary of our churches here and elsewhere, but what else could I do, when on Christmas morning, this esteem gathering of friends and family of Liz arrived at our home.

Picture above from the back left are Wendy, Chuck, Donna, Dave, and myself, holding a small Christmas tree so I would never forget it was Christmas morning. On the front row are Dottie, Liz, and her father. I have often told Liz she was my most successful baptism. A few years after the Baptism of Liz, she served as a flower girl in Wendy's wedding, as Wendy's daughter, Christine would do in Liz's wedding.

The next wedding ceremony in the family was conducted by our present Pastor at Community Presbyterian Church and Moderator of our Presbytery. Here is a picture on the day she was installed as Pastor of the Community Presbyterian Church.

Now for some comments by the Rev. Dr. Sylvia Karcher, who performed the ceremony:


Liz was raised by her Grandparents, Dave and Donna Cadwallader.
Like all the women in her family, she has incredibly big, incredibly
beautiful eyes.  It¹s no wonder Brian got lost in them.  The two were eager to be married, but at 19 and 20 they were easily the youngest couple I had very married.

When I mentioned their youth Liz was quick to reminded me, “Great Grandpa Willis and Great Grandma Violet were just as young, and their marriage had lasted for 75 years!” I was also reassured by the fact that their romance had already survived a separation. Liz spent the year after high school as an Exchange Student in the Dominican Republic .



 The counseling sessions were even more reassuring. As it became painfully evident that they wouldn¹t have an extra dime between them, it also becameclear that they were very much in love and very well suited to one another.

Brian¹s quiet manner was uncannily similar to Liz¹s Grandpa¹s
temperament.  If he¹d known this was a quality Liz would respond to and had set about years before to imitate Dave, he couldn¹t have replicated his temperament any better.



Liz is something of a favorite with everyone in the family, so her wedding was a joyful celebration for the whole clan.  On that beautiful, sunny September day of the wedding I arrived to a flurry of activity.  The outside gazebo where the wedding was to take place was being dressed with garlands, and male members of the family were arranging chairs.  Inside, where the reception would be held, at least a half dozen friends and an equal number of female relatives were scurrying around, putting finishing touches on
everything.

Now for the wedding. Liz and Brian Brugliera were married on August 27, 2004 in the Mystical Memory Hall in Yucaipa , California in a very sunny day. The canopy was a welcomed covering for all.

Then we were ready. As Brian and I took our places Liz¹s cousin, Jake, played a cello prelude.  Then Grandpa Dave walked down the aisle with her.  As Liz and Bryan stood there, their blond hair glowing in the sunlight, they were a vision of white and gold.   They turned to face one another to say their vows.  Brian took both Liz¹s hands in his.  They gazed at one another as if they¹d forgotten the rest of us were there. 

Then Liz¹s Aunt Wendy sang “Always,”the song that had been sung at Liz¹s great grandparent¹s wedding. As I remember it, two chairs had been left empty in the front row, as a
memorial to these two beloved people. .



These two young people, Liz and Bryan, surrounded by a large, loving family, supported by tradition.  Not a bad way to begin.

(5) Linda and Rick “another time around”

Sometimes during a second or third wedding, where the bride and groom have forged a new relationship a wedding can be a very unusual event to a process that is just as amusing. A guest like I could feel the love there expressed while the melody of the tune “The second time around” resounded in my head, whatever else the music was scheduled for that day.

In a pre-wedding newsletter entitled "Rick and Linda's Wedding Day” sent to guests at the wedding told the history of their relationship and a story of how they met.  They were both Christians and found on online dating site called "Christian Mingle."  Linda wrote that she tried to previous guys that week.  The first "was rather remiss in taking his medication for his bipolar condition rendering him both extremely funny and a bit scary....the second was a workaholic contractor with huge language barrier issues.  Then “Rick” appeared on her computer screen offering a invitation to a movie, a walk on the Oceanside pier...lunch at Ruby's on the pier, and dinner at Mary's in North San Diego Country, 'where we can sip our coffee and brag about our kids.'"

The back sheet of their newsletter contained a cartoon ( www.glasbergen.com ) with the line:
“Do you, Rick, take Linda to have and to hold, to email and fax, to page and beep until death do you part?"

The service itself was a beautiful and happy event on Plantation on the Lake near Banning with a prelude of the Canon by Pachabel.  The service was conducted in clerical attire by Dr. Wayland Marler, Professor at the California Baptist University using his adaptation of the Anglican Prayer Book.  Rick's daughters in by a previous marriage Eleni Marie Muse and Callie Morgan Muse were junior bridesmaids and with Nathan Hood, Linda's son by a previous marriage, who played the .....and then danced joyfully together up the aisle. 

(6). Byron Wilson's wedding with Alexia Anderson:

Sometimes a friend of a friend has asked me to perform a wedding. In this category, I was happy to meet Byron Wilson and his fiancée, Alexia Anderson at the Jazz and Java Coffee shop to discuss their wedding. Both were philosophy majors at CSUSB, and both were students of Susan Finsen.

The wedding was held October 11, 2003 in the garden outside the Prospect Park Carriage House. I remember wanting to get Alexia's son to affirm the relationship with Byron and to say with some conviction that he wanted Byron to be in his life. He did with an affirmation. Moreover, he was a very helpful member of the wedding party as he helped one of the flower girls up the steps as she simultaneously tried to scatter her flowers. They were doing just what I always want in a ceremony when there are children old enough to take part in a wedding and somehow to give their support in the new union that will change their lives forever

I also kept the image of a poem by the Muslim mystical poet Rumi.

(7) Michael Schwartz' wedding: Several times I have been asked to conduct a wedding for a child of a friend, whom I had not known very well, for the “child” had grown into an adult without much interaction with me, maybe one or two meals during the adolescent years, and then the “child” was out the door becoming and adult in what seem like the flash of an eye. One such request of me for a wedding came from Penny Schwartz the mother of the groom. A splendid reception was held the night before the wedding in a French Restaurant in San Bernardino . How appropriate, I thought, for the parents of the bride had just arrived from France , where they reside. At the dinner the mother of the groom gave the best talk of its kind I have ever heard from a mom in all the hundred weddings described in this CD. I recently asked her for a copy and I offer it in entirety in her words:

Fortunately for me, it is not the tradition of mothers to give advice at events such as these. We are here to tell things the way they are ­and to get to the heart of the matter.
        To express what is in my heart tonight is very difficult. I didn't realize, until Michael and Ghislaine became engaged two months ago, what a life-cycle event this would be for us all. As Amy said to me in a moment of epiphany, “I guess when your child gets married, it's a big deal.” And I answered, “Yes, it is!”
            As I look around the room, I see the faces of the people who have come to mean so much to me over our many years in Redlands . I am so happy to be able to share this “big deal” with you as you are all truly my family.
            As I look at Michael, I see images from the past. I see the irrepressible little boy who could never sit still for a moment. You were always larger than life, my harshest critic, my closest friend and my constant companion. Sometimes I have thought that you are my doppelganger, recalling events and people from my childhood that even I have forgotten.
        Hand in hand, we traveled to the far corners of the earth together and fortunately found our way back again. Although I paid careful and motherly attention through at least a thousand and one puppet shows, musical productions and magical extravaganzas, I somehow missed the moment when my golden boy turned into a man. Perhaps it happened during intermission when I was waiting in line for the ladies' room, but in any case, I am proud of the accomplished young man I always knew you would become.
            As I look at Ghislaine, I cannot see the little girl you once were; but I see images of the present. I see a talented and lovely young woman who is brave enough to leave her family and her country, sure enough of her feelings to stake her future on love, and determined enough to follow her dreams. I have enjoyed sharing these days before the wedding with you more than you will ever know.
            As I look at the two of you together, I see images of the future. I see the start of a new generation of our blended families, a lineage to make your parents and your grandparents very proud and very happy. I only wish that Grandpa Nat, Grandma Millie, and Grampa Harry­-and Ghislaine's grandma and grandpa who are gone--had lived to see this day as well, and that Mimi and Meme (your elderly grandmothers) could be here with us.  I see you both, Michael and Ghislaine, living out your hopes and dreams in a home filled with mutual respect, appreciation, friendship and love.
            As we journey through this life, it is a difficult thing to find the one we want to share it with. I am so glad that you have found each other. So I propose another toast to Michael and Ghislaine. A la votre!

The wedding was held in Caroline Park in the Redlands hills, with no prayer, no “long talk, please.”  Their spring wedding ceremony was held outdoors, in the shade of a pine tree. In the private ceremony, only the parents of the bride, the parents of the groom, and a sister of the groom came.  The ceremony would probably be seen by someone driving down a nearby street, and looking down into the park as several t people looking for a place to have a picnic.  Since the parents of the bride had come from a distant country and knew no English, I wondered if they followed the words.  When I asked the bride's father in a feeble attempt at his language, "Did you understand?"  He responded, "I understood enough!"

The happiness of the moment is clear most especially on the bride who had come from her native land, France to meet Michael and fall in love. Penny, Michael's mother is in the center, his father next on the left and sister Amy. This week Penny wrote: “Michael and Ghislaine are moving into their own home in San Diego......and they are expecting their first child, so whatever you did at the wedding must have stuck! Thanks!”

He arrived on time and what an affirmation of the meaning of their wedding, their marriage, and their loving families! The look on his face seems to say that he knows far more than he is able to say, yet!

Over the past several years, a series of other people have asked me to perform weddings or to come and share in the joy of their weddings as they remembered promises I made to them in classes or read about my interests. Meanwhile, I have also become a reviewer of publications of possible compositions, since the Bloomsbury Press sent me a book to review on wedding traditions in the UK.

(8) Dr. Wendy McIntyre

On Sunday August 4, 2013, I was invited to the wedding ceremony of my friend and colleague Dr. Wendy McIntyre and Anissa Payne at the Redlands United Church of Christ in Redlands, in a ceremony conducted by Dr. Sharon Graff, Pastor. While I did not sign the license, I was asked, for the first time in my lift, to be the “ring bearer.”

In preparation for my performance, I researched the origins of the wedding rings. When I walked down the aisle I told the audience, “This is the first time for me to be a ring bearer, and I am probably the oldest one you will ever see in this role. Nonetheless, giving and received of rings is a very important tradition that goes back as far as pre-Christian times in ancient Egypt, where the wedding contract was written out by relatives as to what each family bought to the pair in terms of gold, silver, animals, and obligations. The contract was folded again and again into strips, and, then molded into the shape of a ring as the paper was moistened which the couple would wear or save.” Later I learned that some mummies had rings on their fingers along with the jewels they wore.

Wendy and Anissa’s wedding has a special way of being remembered in this video that shows the highlights of the ceremony and reception - https://vimeo.com/73661818
This video was produced by Loring Fiske-Phillips loring@pobox.com

It is easy to see the joy that Wendy and Anissa shared on that day, and on every day that I have seen them together since then. I especially like the picture that Wendy sent me of the wedding party, to which I responded, “Where ever would anyone find four more beautiful women at a wedding?”

Image from Wendy McIntyre

Another of my favorite people at this wedding was Theresa, the flower girl at the wedding with me the ring bearer. She had helped me many years ago as the TA in the famous Old Testament Lit class, especially when we started to use “Blackboard” (a career saving device).

(9) Lua Gregory

I was invited to the wedding of Lua Gregory and Craig Carpenter on August 17, 2013 up among the splendid pine trees at the Alpenhorn Inn in Big Bear, California. It was a delight to go to a wedding of two students I had previously taught in different courses.

Lua told me long after the wedding that she had told Craig she remembered the promise I always made to students who took my classes, that I would perform a wedding at no charge. They had, though, discovered that since her family was Baha’i, no official is necessary to sign a license and parental signatures suffice.

This was my first time at a Baha’i wedding, and I got invited just like any other guest. Riding up with Bill Kennedy, also a former student, and like Lua, he was on the Armacost Library staff at the University of Redlands. Lua was among the best of the students I have taught in 42 years, in both a First Year Seminar and Masterpieces of Asian Literature. Craig was able to generate and inspire other students in an Asian Film Course, taught by all my colleagues in Asian Studies, as we each picked our favorite film.

When we walked up a path to the place the wedding was to be held, I looked up and saw the way the pine trees had interlaced their boughs against the clear blue sky. I thought to myself, this space is like a sanctuary as tall as some Gothic cathedrals and that the beams of light coming through the breaks in the pines looked like stained glass windows in a cathedral.

Image from Lua Gregory

 
In the ceremony that day, Lua spoke to Craig:

“You're my favorite person and my best man-friend.
This is what I promise you:
To laugh with you and treat you with kindness, appreciation, respect and silliness.
To support your dreams and ambitions, and to continue to try to tickle you until I find a laughter spot.
I vow to encourage us to try new and strange things and be someone you can depend on.
I promise to keep you and snuggle you in times of joy and sorrow, and to care for you when you're feeling icky.
I will love you always.
Let's grow ancient together!

Will you be my husband?”

Craig said “Yes!” and then spoke as follows:

“Lua,

I'm in love with you and I promise to keep loving you.
I promise to be on your side.
I promise to be your husband and your faithful partner.
I will be a loyal and true friend who listens and shares who I am with who you are.
You are my best friend and I am looking forward to joining our lives and spending the rest of our time together.

Will you be my wife?’”
Lua turned to him with her big smile and said, “Yes”

In my research I determined that indeed the Baha’I marriages are considered as the commitment of the two people, one to the other, bringing “mutual attachment of the mind and heart” and all four parents are required to agree, for the two perform the ceremony themselves.
Source: http://bahaiblog.net/site/2015/01/9-unique-aspects-bahai-marriage/

A union of husband and wife is considered by Baha’i as an eternal spiritual bond and in the eyes of God, the husband and wife are consider equal. Another element which was new to me was the hand binding.

The reception was only a few steps away into another clearing. It gave a chance for a great deal of interaction especially to renew my friendship with Lua’s parents whom I had first met when they brought her to a dinner when she was a new student in my First Year Seminar “the Eagle and the Crane” about Japan and America. But I was also able to meet the several brothers of Craig and their Australian born mother, who had come the longest distance for the wedding. The pleasant setting on the grass gave us the opportunity to enjoy the splendid spread.

It has been wonderful in the past several years to have them appear for lunches on campus, for they were gone for a couple of years before the wedding to the East Coast where Craig worked on the area of film studies and Lua in another library. Clearly they are back home in California, sharing the joy they feel.

(10) Allison Little

By 2015, Alison Little had already graduated from the University of Redlands and seen me perform her brother Mike Little's wedding several years before (see Decade of the 1990s).

She emailed me and then brought Adam McGinnis to meet me at the Olive Street Market, my off season "office". We agreed upon the wedding date and place of February 20, 2015 at the Glen Ivy Golf Course. How could I refuse to perform a wedding on my birthday weekend, when I had the whole three days to celebrate, since it was also the first day of spring vacation?

I managed to find the mythical setting, with the imagined relaxation of a dip in the Glen Ivy Hot Springs and now another wedding in the same family also on a golf course.

I was much impressed with the maturity of Alison and Adam and their strong sense of life together. I knew her brother more than either of them, but to do a wedding within the same strong family circle was a joy.

When I agreed to go to Gen Ivy, I did not realize the traffic congestion on a Friday along the 91 freeway, but I made it on time and also found the setting of the golf course, up a well-manicured side road and in a beautiful valley, before the sun would set that winter night.

On arrival I spotted brother Michael in the parking lot and reflected about his service for a decade in the military intelligence branch of the Army. When meeting others in the bridal party who had also served, I had a strong sense of American military power in the world, then I remembered I had contributed as well with my three years in the US Navy during the Korean War and even into the "Cold War" as I talked about my Navy days with the others.

The wedding was beautiful. Alison had selected just what they would say to each other, and when they did so, it was a joy to hear their words.

 
Catherine Schulz

I went to Japan in May term 2015, where I received an email from Catherine Schulz who resides in Washington DC asking if I would be free to go to Temecula on July 10 for a summer wedding. Catherine had remembered my promising that if anyone were to pass my course in Old Testament Lit (Hebrew Scriptures) I would conduct a wedding anywhere on the planet.

When I returned to Redlands, she brought her finance Jesse Harris to meet me to plan the event. She had a very clear idea of all the planning involved and then suggested that I come to a wedding rehearsal, which in reflection was a brilliant idea. It took me an extra hour driving around Temecula the night before the wedding, even though I had done a wedding two blocks away in the Temecula Hotel some years before (see “Decade of the 1980s).

The setting was to be in what had been “a real church” built a century earlier as a Roman Catholic Church on the main street (now hidden behind a service station). When I did find it, Catherine was standing out in the front of the service station, waving at me as I rode right past her.

We needed this rehearsal for there were lots of elements to integrate. Catherine had sent me a beautiful version of the text that she wanted to use. It was a product from the 16th Century Church of English that some of us had seen in the wedding of Prince William on national television, from which the only line removed would be "I promise to OBEY." I was excited to perform a wedding with such ROYAL dimensions.

There was time in the rehearsal only to read the lines that led to the vows, so then we turned our attention to the music, the seating, the placement of the beautiful bride’s maids and their escorts, and to test the sound system.

We celebrated in a rehearsal dinner that captured the great spirit in the families who were uniting. After the rehearsal, I was treated by the couple to lodging in the Roman Catholic Vina de Lestonnac Retreat Center and had the good fortune to share two meals and a mass with four retired nuns and a visiting priest from Arizona who would later lead a week-end retreat for the Diocese of Los Angeles. His first “call” led him to becoming a Protestant pastor in Minnesotta
serving several years before being "called" again to become a Roman Catholic priest, whereupon he went again to a seminary. This time being easier, he affirmed, for he had already been down the same "road". My preparation for doing this wedding came with the wise, and sometimes, lively advice of a Roman Catholic priest. Indeed he wanted to look over my booklet of what I would say and ask.

The ceremony was indeed beautiful. Catherine had a special radiance that July afternoon with her sisters in attendance. Her father stood outside with his impressive brothers teasing the sisters about their own romances, and asking them if any of the young men present might be eligible grooms on a future day. One of them asked my fee. I told them for a wedding in Catherine’s family, like advice, the fee was a gift. The ceremony went very well, as the groom’s uncle offered his charge to the couple and I read the vows and listened to the heart felt promises.

The picture above was sent to me soon after the wedding, and indeed a kind letter came as well as a “thank you” for the days I spent rehearsing and performing the wedding. It is one of the most appreciated letters of that genre, so I will conclude my comments with Catherine’s words.